Sometimes the simplest things can have the greatest impact in your daily life and outlook. After a winter of many gray days and darker, longer nights, the sun, in all of its various forms, has decided to pop its head out and warm everybody. Sure, it is just one day in March, and we all know how much I love the snow and the cold of Winter, but a little sunshine now and then isn’t a bad deal…

And you wonder why I love Colorado with sun and snow

Regardless, with the approaching spring comes the apparent need to seek “renewal” and “growth.” While these verbs/adjectives are so commonplace they’ve become a bit of a cliche, they do have a certain meaning if you look deeper and delve into one’s own psyche.

Spring is typically a time when school is almost done, the infield grass is green, the ballparks are ready for the first metal spikes and the fish are just starting to bite. Farther west, spring means endless days on the apres ski patio after thrashing slush bumps all morning, or the occasional Blue Bird powder day that leaves a grin on your face that doesn’t go away until the next one. It also means long, glorious ski touring days, high craggy peaks with their couloirs and chutes snow-filled yet finally safe, the bluest, most azure skies, and the sweetest sunglass tans around.

In medicine, at least in medical school, spring is also the time when classes thankfully begin to wind down, but for us as second years, it also means…

B
O
A
R
D
S

Nothing really strikes fear in the heart like hearing the words “Boards.” Sure, there are legitimately more scary things in the world, but for us as second years, board exams are the things that we have really worked 21-25 years for. They define if we can go into Pediatric Surgery as we intend to, or are doing something that we don’t quite have the heart for, but don’t have the grades and board scores for.

That’s not a hard and fast rule, but it does predefine a path that may or may not be way one wants to go for a career.

So, with all of my interests, and my desires, its hard to sit down on days like today and not go play outside for hours on end. Or dream of skiing in two weeks, or climbing in two months. Wait…I do that anyways!

Haha regardless, there is a certain level of dedication that comes with performing well in medical school, and even surviving it in the first place. Sure, as I just mentioned, boards are the big dark German Shepard at the end of its chain, snarling and growling at you, but all of hte other quizzes, tests, nights and afternoons spent staring at PDFs and OneNote notes makes one really question, ‘What is it all about?’

While I may not have the answer to that question for everyone, I can say that it is about seeing a mother’s face in the waiting room, and her knowing that the surgeon just removed a 10 pound tumor and saving her child’s life; it is the relieved brother, staring at his sister, full of tubes and unconscious, but hearing the words, “she will make it through…” It is the elation of making a difference; not just indirectly as I did in Environmental Engineering, but in the here and now, on a personal level, at a level of intimacy that can never be taken for granted if we are to be the best physicians we can be.

So enjoy the sunny day(s); I just hope mine are powder days in the morning, and sunny in the afternoon

Hard to believe, but O-Ten is upon us and it’s been a long time coming. 2009 was pretty tough for a lot of people: economically, financially, physically, emotionally…and the list goes on. I for one was not immune to many of these things, but that’s a totally different story for another day, and another blog posting

That being said, it has been seven years since I embarked on an almost magical road trip to Park City, UT. Sure, the bars had funky laws then requiring a “membership” for each one you walked into; I was only 22 at the time; I just wanted to ski, ski, ski, and oh yeah, I had a slightly mild–check that– huge crush on one of the girls who would be staying in our condo.

What needs to be written, and then cross checked by like six of my buddies on that trip, is a novel. It will be full of love triangles, getting low low low on the dance floor; one powder day, a bunch of English chaps, a bomber day at Snowbird–literally with the artillery shells going off under a bluebird sky–and a whole lot of  hanging out and partying. We had noodles thrown into a ceiling fan at 3AM…and again at 4; Rusted Root playing by the DJ and me dancing on the stage in Park City’s biggest bar; terrain parks and sore asses; steeps and chutes; and one dream that has now come to fruition: medicine.

It was under the dark and yet awesome nights at 1AM that my desire to go to medical school sort of took shape…again. Honestly, that night in January 2003 was a pretty defining moment in my turn towards where I write this now, a med school classroom. Ashley and Jill, two girls I unfortunately don’t talk to that much anymore, were sitting around discussing dreams, desires, wants and needs in only the way21 and 22 year olds can. We had all these grandiose things we wanted to do; going to Australia; being a ski bum; being well to do; and for me, being a doctor. I was unsure of what I wanted really out of my environmental engineering schooling at that point, and after skiing at Snowbird,and seeing that they have a Ski Patrol PHYSICIAN on the hill at all times, the pull of medicine only intensified.

So I floated the idea, and both of them readily told me that I would be very good at it.

“Dr. Brubaker sure has a nice ring to it!” they told me. Haha, I had to admit, it did. And still does…

“Chicks dig doctors ya know…” and this was before Gray’s Anatomy had come out. The fact that it was coming from two girls definitely didn’t make that sound bad either.

What I didn’t know, or count on, was that they would tell others, and others would encourage me throughout the trip. From Jill’s sister’s fiance, to other buddies on the trip, a quip here or there was really all the encouragement I needed.

What happened on the rest of the trip was one of legend, story, and maybe a bit of imagination. A friend of mine got “proposed to” in the middle of Park City on the first day we were there; another girl ended up becoming my girlfriend throughout the rest of my Junior and some of my senior year at Iowa State; life long friendships were established, and all of this under blue bird skies, late cold nights, and rockin; music from 9 – close.

The bus ride back across the high plains of Wyoming, with Rusted Root in my head and on my headphones, a fistful of memories, and some great turns in my legs, were all that I needed to get my last three semesters at ISU off on the right foot. Yet the worn out, man I’m spent but let’s do it again attitude never died, but was only replaced by something bigger and better.

I do not know when that novel will be finished…maybe before Residency but I do want to write it and describe it, and make everyone feel as I did, and walk in those dreams.

I’m living it, if only one day at a time, but that trip, and this journey to here and now, makes it all worth it…

A faint smile crosses my face,and I don’t know why. The cold winter wind outside signals that finally, winter has come to Kirksville, if only for a few days until it warms into the thirties, but it feels good. Winter is a time of Christmas, of the holidays, of a new year on the brink and an old year waving goodbye.

With Taylor Swift on in my head and a light touch on the keyboard, I feel like I can fly right now. IT is crazy what I’ve gone through, been through, and in some ways, I can’t get enough of it. From roughly 15 months ago and being scared out of my mind of studying, of late nights, of crazy creative amounts of caffeine, to where I sit right now, all I can sit and do is grin and wonder, ‘Wow, really?’

Endless pages of paper, of laptops burning into the night, harbor what is to many our greatest assets: our emotions, our dreams, our desires. Eyes locked on, pens flying around a table, all to do what?

To learn.

As cars blink their flashers and turn oh-so-slowly on the icy blacktop into a parking spot, many come to listen to what a professor has to say, or figure out a cascade of clotting factors, or even, just to say hi and smile at somebody they like. I watch this with a knowing eye, yet I don’t know what I know. Is it life experiences, or the lack of knowledge of how any of this trip would play out, that allows me to stand back, smile, and watch?

I don’t really care at this point about why I do it, because I do the same; what is so…so…maddening attractive about all this is not always the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, but how “you” literally sometimes bleed with those who are here. They “get it;” they understand what is going on, what the classes are, what the time commitment is. As I said before I came to med school, “It’s like going to war with school, just without the people shooting at ya.” It’s mental taxation at the epitomy of it all; it’s physically and mentally handicapping the hours after a final; its seeing the looks on EVERYONE’S faces when they stagger out on Friday of finals week and head straight to the bar: ‘That test may have got me, but I won this war.’

In this, our second to last week before Christmas break, we are four down and five to go: a long five at that, but only five left.

So let the snow fall; watch the intricately soft flakes dance and dress you down as they hover over you in a maze of shapes before falling onto your tongue; enjoy the wind at your back because one day, it will be against you; smile at those around you, because they like to smile back; and don’t forget to NOT smell the roses, but remember what it felt like to study until midnight, but know that some of your best friends were doing the same; remember that coffee smell at 2AM as your favorite study partner brings you an extra tall from McD’s because she knew you were wiped out; don’t forget that one of your best buddies knows how to break beats, or dance like a fool, or can run four miles faster than you can run two.

Don’t forget what we’ve learned medically, but remember all the ways in which we got there.

There comes a time, usually during the second quarter, when you become so tired, so worn down…

That you can’t even sleep. Yeah, there is finals week, and maybe a week or two in first quarter that really gets ya down, but nothing like second quarter, surely nothing like third quarter, and now that fifth quarter is here…well it has it’s moments too.

As a sidebar, how does a school schedule seven quarters? Couldn’t they at least make it eight, and make it a whole, round number?

But back to being tired…

What was I saying again?

Oh yeah, haha, that your mental capacity really starts to go. I’m just coming off of two all-nighters in the past four nights. Definitely not something I recommend, yet at this point, my grades are improving by doing them, so apparently they are helping. I don’t enjoy them, as I get stomach rot from all of the caffeine; you get carb crashes as you load, and then unload, all of the carbs you eat to stay awake/give your brain energy to think; and yes, if you’re like me, your tongue gets raw from eating all of the sour patch kids.

Yet being sleepy is a rite of passage for medical school; some kids get through most of their two years here and get eight hours of sleep most nights; some, like me, average six, if we’re lucky. And others seemingly get three hours a night, for weeks on end, and keep on going. How my buddy MD does it, I do not know, yet eventually IT HAS to catch up with him…

Or so I would think.

Point is, is that one needs to make time for naps, even five minute power naps. They kept me going last night, kept me sane over the weekend, and all in all, gives the brain a quick refresher that I think everybody needs.

That being said…I’m off to get mine!

Zzzzzzzzzzz…….

Saturdays are a special day; usually, if you have tests on Monday or Tuesday of the following week, one is busting your butt to get ahead, or, more than likely, to catch up. In my experience, there has not been a week where I have not spent at least some of my Saturday inside of the library, or the breakout rooms here on campus. I suppose that it comes with the territory, but there is a way to not study on Saturdays…

College football.

When you come from a major conference school, like the Big 12 and my Cyclones, or my buddy who’s a Hawkeye and calls the Little Eleven, oops the Big 10 home, college football is a great way to waste, oops again, study and have fun at the same time

It’s infinitely do-able, and I highly recommend it…if you can actually get some studying done. Inevitably, though, you end up yelling at the tv, throwing your beer/pop/water bottle at the tv, and then telling yourself, “I really should be studying.”

That being said…I suppose I should get back to my studying…

To Blog is to be given the ability, not the right, to free one’s mind and to write objectively about such things as school, life, and just the ability to have fun.

Thus I will begin

I’m pretty jazzed to be an official blog writer, mainly because I have another blog at another page It’s been a year since I’ve started blogging, and it’s a great catharsis for me.

I do not know if this blog will be quite as “open” as some of my other postings, but that’s okay. This is not the time, nor the place, to be talking about some of my struggles. Instead, this is to introduce YOU, the prospective and new student, into my life, my “isms,” my differing ways, means, and methods into handling so much of what goes on in medical school.

So today, well, is 9-11. It has been eight long years since that fateful day in lower Manhattan, Washington, as well as a isolated farm field in Pennsylvania. As I write this, a B-52, a stalwart of the military since the early 1950’s, has just flown overhead, no doubt in a flyover for a Friday Night football game, or in a 9-11 ceremony.

I took part in a remembrance ceremony with the local FD, Police, as well as the Armed Forces Medical Students (HPSP for you into acronyms), as well as any other students who wanted to come to school early and partake in a brief moment of silence and a speech or two.

Needless to say, it’s always a bit moving today, especially because I was 20 years old when it happened, my dad is a fire fighter/EMT, and I’m now in the healthcare field. To have the uncompromising desire to help the fellow man, to race up stairs to save people, to put out a fire, all when everyone is heading down, is guts, grit, steely reserve, and everything else I ever hope to be.

I can only dream of this resolve at this time; I just don’t have the training or education yet to do that. I do hope to have it someday though; it’s not all education and training however, but more of that inner voice saying “do what ya do.”

So, think of what those around you have given up to make this country safe since that day; think of the soldiers, the CIA and other spy agency acronyms, the police, the fire departments, and even that person next to you, who is now reporting things that are suspicious. They are what make us safe; they are what make us great — the ability for the everyday person to have a say in how safe our country is and how it’s run and managed.

I’ m a bit of a conservative patriot, which at times puts me at odds with people, but I love a good debate, and I love debating opposing viewpoints! So don’t be afraid to comment, or say what’s on your mind, even if you disagree. Trust me, I won’t belittle, defame, slander or otherwise bash you, but I may try to convince you of my viewpoint I won’t talk politics much, unless it ties in with the medical system, which, well right now it is. That being said, it will be but a minor player in the overall theme of my blog, which will probably differ from some of the others.

I’m more of a tell it like it is kind of person, albeit it in a very verbose way. I get wordy, go off on tangents, and like to tell a good story. I won’t recant each and every day for you, but will tell you, my now faithful and fellow reader, what makes me tick, how I manage, what I find appealing and even a bit of what turns me off from here. One cannot be objective without seeing both sides of the coin, and I think that only helps YOU, the prospective student, in making a decision.

So hop on, enjoy the ride, and if you ever have any questions, no matter if it pertains to my blog or not, ask away! I will always answer truthfully